I've been operating under this assumption for years.

In my time as a female I have observed the following related to PMS and "girl time":

-Love of chocolate to the point of craving it.
-Cramps (as if the insides had become angry and were attempting to leave by means of destroying you through implosion).

-Need for comfy pants.

-Excessive squealing over cute things.

-Excessive hunger (example: eat meal, two hours later stomach growling).

-Crying over silly things (Disney commercials, hunger, Muppet movies, David Tutera, etc).

-Watching "chick flicks" (Twilight saga, When Harry Met Sally, etc).

-Desire to talk to and spend time with females in the same condition. aka "girl talk" and shopping.

After nearly a decade of research, I have come to the following conclusions:

-That the uterus is in fact a tiny, fat, stereotypically gay man who periodically gains control but also wishes to kill you and escape.

-If an all-powerful divine being exists and it created us, it does NOT have a uterus.

-I love the Muppets.

So I went to a party on Saturday night...

We arrive (finally) and I walk in. I know noone save for the host.
Host is getting a tattoo on her foot at the time. Everyone is sitting around chatting and singing skynard.
I go outside with my boyfriend, where the following conversation actually happens:
Girl (in her mid to late twenties) approaches us with Hula hoops:
Girl: Want to hula hoop with me?
Me: Sure. I like hula hoops. I learned how to spin them on my hands when I was working in Disney.
Girl: Here, I wanna see you do that with this flashy one. *turns on light-up hoop and hands it to me*
Me: Cool, where did you get a flashing hula hoop? *I twirl it on my hand*
Girl: My boyfriend gave it to me. It's my wedding ring, get it? *giggles*
Me: ...yea.
Girl: We're never gonna get married but we're always gonna BE married, ya know?
Me: ...yea. *continue twirling. avoid eye contact*
Girl: So how do you know [host]?
My boyfriend: We studied art in Italy together.
Me: I went to her wedding with him. *point to boyfriend*
Girl: That's cool. I've been her cousin since I was 3 month old. You want some water? *offers her glass to my boyfriend, he declines. Offers it to me*
Me: Nah I'm good.
Girl: I love water. I'm always thirsty. *begins dancing with 2 of the remaining hula hoops*

Fascinating.

I later hear a guy discussing his ex. his daughter and his desire for custody of the child. He uses an analogy of a pop machine (the child being the pop and her mother the machine, was my understanding) to describe how even though he didn't physically give birth the the child, he puts time and money into raising her, so she's his. There was then discussion between him and a female guest as to whether the "money in the machine" part was sex, his "seed", his time or his actual money. She interpreting it as sex, he as literal money and his time. He said it didn't matter which it was.

This was real life.

I would just do what he says.

Favorite kinds of magic

-Having a kid smile at you because you're dancing and lipsyncing to "Beauty and the Beast" and having her mom thank you because they had been trying to get her to smile all day.

-Watching little kids and their parents gasp and smile when Mickey pops up on stage.

-Watching my cousin laugh as we ride Big Thunder Mountain and shrieking together.

-Watching the fireworks and tearing up nearly every time.

-Getting the best spot on Main Street for the Electrical Light Parade and watching your cousin wave at all the floats going by...and then having the little snail float "wave" back.

-Standing outside during a long shift and feeling a tug at your belt loop and having a little boy give you the flower he just picked.

-Having your coworker give you little candies whenever you come by him.

-Seeing that big guy next to you trying to hide tears as they play a Disney commercial for you during orientation.

-Standing at your locker having a discussion with Goofy, having the Green Army Man offer his opinion then saying goodbye to Belle and Mary Poppins as you walk out the door behind Aladdin.

-Posing for pictures in the park with your sister.

-Having a little kid give you a drawing so you can go back stage and give it to Ariel for him.

-Sitting back stage during break and having Mickey Mouse walk by and wave as you chat on your cell phone.

-You and a coworker using your day off to wear a silly outfit to the park and waiting an hour to meet Princess Tiana so she can sign the autograph book you bought your sister.

-Watching your aunt hug Tigger and laugh because he likes her Tigger shirt.

-Watching Minnie Mouse school Goofy on how to moonwalk.

-Having Handy Manny come running over to give you a hug.

-Passing around an autograph book for your friends to sign before you move home and reading the things they wrote when you get back.

-Knowing you can always come back and visit the magic.

I have weird problems.

I have a strange obsession right now. Vinylmations.
I think I miss Disney World and I'm just filling the void. I bought 4 this week. This needs to stop.

...but they're so damn CUTE!

I mean...LOOK HOW CUTE!

If you have any of these I'd be happy to take them off your hands...

He thinks we didn't land on the moon. I'm moving to the moon. Just so he's even more wrong. And as my eyes get sucked out of my skull in the vacuum of space I will be flipping him off.

Just in case.

Strollers. They're breeding.

I noticed the other day one of my soon-to-be-a-parent friends was asking people for opinions on Facebook about which stroller to buy. Then today I was thinking about when I worked in a theme park and the hassles strollers caused.

Yes, we need strollers. Babies need them because they can't walk. We need them because we can't carry babies constantly (which is why I think most of us come with two parents. so they can take turns). But I am against taking them to theme parks for the most part. And more and more people are taking them.

I've worked in a theme park, I've been to a theme park AS a child and I've been to one WITH a child (a cousin. I am kid-free currently).

As a child, a liked having a place to sit in the shade. I didn't have to walk. It was cool. But as you get a little older, being told to "sit down" or "get in the stroller" can get embarassing. Depended on my age.

Going with a child, it's nice to have a place for them to sit. You can store their stuff in it. They have a designated spot so they don't get lost and you don't have to leash them. Simplifies it, right? Wrong.

-You now have to balance the stuff in the stroller so when the kid(s) get out it won't tip over and spill your $7 pop.

-You have to get it on and off buses.

-Transport it at the airport or in with your luggage in the car.

-You have to get it in and out of a car (rental, possibly).

-You have to watch it so nothing gets stolen (parks and park employees are not liable).
-You have to leave it outside of 99% of attractions and restaurants (fire safety and logistical reasons).

-You have to hope nothing happens to it in transit (these things are EXPENSIVE).

-You also have to take time out of your fun to find the parking area for, park and retrieve that stroller.

Honestly, watching my aunt haul that stroller on and off the buses, elevators, etc seemed like more trouble than it was worth. If your child is older than 5 or so, he or she should probably walk unless unable to. My cousin was 4 and recovering from a flu at the time, so it was probably a good call here. But I still advocate holding hands and carrying a backpack. Small toddlers? Baby back/front carrier or RENTING a stroller. Or DON'T BRING BABIES TO A THEME PARK. I was talking to a family that did in fact leave the 2 year old at home with grandma and brought the 5 and 6 year olds. Logic.

Finally, working in a theme park I had to deal with SO MUCH CRAP WITH STROLLERS.

-So many people have them that we had designated parking areas. Park it out of that area and we moved it into that area. This made people upset, scared they lost their stroller, annoyed we moved it, accidentally take the wrong one (there are only so many designs), and yell at us for moving the strollers into lines (just to clear the walkways).

-I was chased down for moving them, I was told "never to touch [their] stroller again", etc.

-People got mad because they couldn't take the stroller into the attraction. They didn't want to leave it unguarded. They didn't want to wake the kid up. Etc.

-People tried to chain them to things to they can't be moved or stolen. When you do we have to call security. What if some psycho tries to hide a bomb in one? We can't know the difference. Precautions.

-I was once yelled at for NOT moving a stroller to the exit of an attraction (they'd left it at the entrance and had to go around the building to get it).

-Sometimes we had too few people on shift to assign one to "strollers". And we'd get a clog of strollers in the walkways, because you can't leave your post to move them. Or we'd get told, by a guest, that WE SHOULD HAVE SOMEONE CLEANING UP THE STROLLER AREA. Make up your mind, masses.



Yes that's a steering wheel.
And I saw one of these in Disney. I parked it for them.



Buy stuff in the park you don't want to carry? Easy. Disney at least has a service that will hold that stuff for you. And if you stay at one of their hotels, they will freaking deliver it to you.

Long story short, I hope to only on a RARE occasion take a stroller with me to a theme park. If ever.